I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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