"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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