yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I want her autograph on my taint
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
how drunk are you?
Several
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
