my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
