she smelled like a LAN party
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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