Kiss
Puke
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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