After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
