Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
