Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
