You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I cannot find my penis.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
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I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
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OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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