Dual....:-)
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
