Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He kissed a someone with a penis
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
