i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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