I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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