i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
