I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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