oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize