she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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