why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
