Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
