My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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