Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
