you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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