theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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