Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
