im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
