how hairy? two words: wookie tits
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
