Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
