I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
