I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
