Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
