the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
