Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
