God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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