nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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