I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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