someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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