I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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