You work out of a Hotel?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
