they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
