Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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