you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
