There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
