Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
