would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
we should paint friendship bongs
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