im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's never too late to be topless.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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