Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
