He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
