you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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