I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
