So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
