lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
