I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
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It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
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Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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