You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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