we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
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I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
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Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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