when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
