From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
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I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
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Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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