Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
