Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
