i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
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Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
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Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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