put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
