cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
