I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
