rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
