I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hippo gnu deer
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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