i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
